got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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