My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
