did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize