so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
