I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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