Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
