giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
