Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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