yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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