I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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