i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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