last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
