So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
