Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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