I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
