hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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