Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
