totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
