I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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