do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
