Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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