For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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