What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ladies don't puke and tell
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
