when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
