A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
