i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
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saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
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my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.