Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..