Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT