Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.