You really coming over, don't trick.
where am i from again
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..