Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet