You made me cry and you don't even care
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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