just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
