How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
