The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
