that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
