Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
