Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
