I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
