There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
