you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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