Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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