what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
