my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
