you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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