you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
