My sheets look like a crime scene.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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