life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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