There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
