Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
