I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
