would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
