Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
