I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
