Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
