I'm drive I can fine osifer
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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