Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
