I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
