Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
