I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
