Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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