Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?