She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.