ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me