I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
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I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.