Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS