so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize