I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
