about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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