Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
