i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You are the jesus of drinking
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
