His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
