Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
