My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
