I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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