If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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