i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
