"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize