are you still at the devil's house?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
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I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
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When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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