loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
