I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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