Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
