True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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