Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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