I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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