I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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